MILWAUKEE — Before Terence Ray could truly lead, he first had to become a father.
"My wife went to the hospital for what I thought was a stomach ache. I remember her calling home, whispering in the phone, 'I'm pregnant,'" said Ray.
Years before that life-changing news, Ray sat in a prison cell, thoughts of fatherhood the least of his worries.
Ray is one of a handful of men along with many community partners who helped found the Milwaukee Fatherhood Initiative back in 2005.
He did some time but didn't waste it, starting an associate's degree at MATC while still in prison.
Learning to love to learn was a step in his development as a young man. But even more pivotal — the connections he made in the community.
"I like to say it's 80 percent who you know and 20 percent what you know," said Ray.
Today, you may know the building on the corner of Teutonia and Hadley as Coffee Makes You Black. But it used to be the office of the Inner City Development Project.
"It offered me two things, two things - exposure to older men, and then older smart men who knew stuff," said Ray.
Ray joined the Milwaukee chapter of 100 Black Men, rising to the rank of internal vice president.
Along the way — and with a major assist from his former basketball coach, William Clay — Ray went to work for former state Senators Gary George and Spencer Coggs before joining the office of former Congressman Tom Barrett as an aide.
During his time with the congressman, he had his girls, a year and a day apart. And that was the catalyst
"I had a lot of energy. I remember distinctly thinking if I could make every man feel the way I feel right now…" said Ray.
He channeled that energy into early plans for what would become the Milwaukee Fatherhood Initiative.
Their first summit in 2006 drew 1,200 men from all over Milwaukee.
"It was like a field of dreams. If you build it, they'll come," he said.
Over the years, Milwaukee Fatherhood Initiative has helped tens of thousands of men and women become more involved in the lives of their children.
"I used to take my girls up on the railroad track, just to walk and talk. That was more valuable than anything I could've bought them. Your presence is the present. The time. Be there," said Ray.
While no longer among the group's leadership, Ray continues to mentor young fathers in the community.
"The things he has taught me along the way have helped me be a better father and to help other fathers in the community," said David Campbell, one of Ray's mentees. "His service is well appreciated. I pretty much honor his work. There's not words that could really describe what he's done for me so far."
Ray also still hangs out in the space where he grew so much as a young man. The vibe is a bit different — office personnel has been replaced with baristas at Coffee Makes You Black — but some of the same people who changed his life are still around offering advice.
"All you gotta do is come here and eat breakfast and you will run into someone. Definitely," said Ray.
More information about the Milwaukee Fatherhood Initiative can be found on the city's website.
